


Four's a Crowd

by prissygirl



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Double Dating, F/M, Humor, One Shot, Post-Curse Storybrooke, Rumbelle Christmas in July, Storybrooke, rcij
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-27
Updated: 2015-07-27
Packaged: 2018-04-11 14:57:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4440257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prissygirl/pseuds/prissygirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rumplestiltskin and Belle are tired of being interrupted during their dates. But in a small town like Storybrooke, it’s harder to find privacy than they thought – especially when they’re not the only ones looking for it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Four's a Crowd

It’s hard to find privacy in a small town like Storybrooke. It’s even harder if you’re the Dark One.

Rumplestiltskin and Belle were no strangers to being interrupted at some point or other during their dates. But recently, it had become even worse. They weren’t even able to finish a meal or get a quick snog in behind the back curtain without someone barging in on them.

Rumplestiltskin hadn’t gotten laid in _weeks_. It was time to take desperate measures.

“Where are we going?” Belle asked, locking the library behind her and following Rumple towards the Cadillac.

“I don’t know.”

As they got into the car, Belle gave him a disbelieving look. “You don’t know?” She let out a small giggle. “Rumple, you can’t even go to the store to buy milk without writing out a bulleted list.”

He turned the keys in the ignition and began to drive them down the main street. “That’s not true. If you remember last time you were over, I managed to buy you cookies without a list.”

Belle snorted. “You brought back five different types of cookies!”

“Well, I didn’t know what you wanted did I?” Rumple countered. “Now, if you had written down what you wanted – “

A muffled burst of noise caused him to turn his head towards Belle. She was shaking with laughter, though she was trying to hold it back. She pointed towards him and tried to speak, but merely broke into more giggles.

He turned his eyes back to the road, a small grin playing about his lips. “Fine, point taken. Next time I’ll just let you get your own blasted cookies.”

It took Belle a minute or two before she was able to speak again.

“Was that the evening Grumpy ran into the house, yelling that Regina was using mind control on the bees to attack people?”

Rumple shook his head. “No, that was a couple of nights before. This was the night that Mary Margaret and David walked in on us in the shop.” He gritted his teeth. “Again.”

Belle blushed. “Oh, yeah. I remember now.”

“And that’s exactly why we’re doing this,” he said, gesturing to the road before them.

“Ooh, are we finding a secret hideout?” Belle asked, bouncing a bit with excitement in her seat.

Rumple looked at her fondly. “Exactly.” He winked and Belle gave him an exaggerated wink back.

After about five minutes of winding through some of the residential streets of Storybrooke, Belle gave a shout. “What about over there?” She pointed towards a grove of trees. “That seems nice and private.”

Rumple nodded. “Splendid idea. I’ll park down the street a block or two and then we’ll walk back.”

Belle took in the smug look on his face and her eyes narrowed. “Why do I get the feeling you already had this planned out?”

Rumple kept his eyes on the road. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Of course not,” Belle replied dryly.

After parking the car down the road, they climbed out of the Cadillac. Belle followed Rumple around to the back of the car. He popped open the trunk and Belle let out a tiny gasp as her eyes fell upon a small picnic basket and a jug of iced tea.

“Still going to deny you planned this?” She raised an eyebrow at him.

He shrugged. “I may have done a little planning.”

Belle threw her arms around him. “I’m glad.”

They smiled at each other before grabbing their lunch and making their way towards the trees. Rumple carried the basket while Belle brought along the iced tea. It was only when they were about to pass through the trees that they heard noises coming frominside the grove.

Rumple held a hand out in front of Belle. “Who’s there?” he called out, his voice the well-known snarl of the Dark One.

They heard movement within the trees and then hushed whispers.  

“Not again,” a feminine voice said, her tone slightly exasperated. “I told you this was a bad spot!”

“It’s not like there’s that many to choose from,” replied another voice, this one lower and masculine.

A moment later, two familiar faces emerged, looking at Belle and Rumple in surprise.

“Ruby?” Belle’s eyes grew wide, looking at the pair in front of her. “Victor?”

Ruby and Victor’s clothes were a bit disheveled and there was a small twig in Ruby’s long brown hair. Lying behind them on the ground was a thick blanket that seemed to have gotten rumpled, as well.

“You guys are together?” Belle asked, more out of surprise than needing the fact confirmed.

Ruby shrugged, looking uncomfortable. “Yeah.”

“Well…congrats!” Belle finally said. She reached out and gave her friend a hug.

Ruby, delighted that Belle had taken the news of her relationship so well, embraced her back enthusiastically.

Meanwhile, Victor was busy looking anywhere but at Rumple, as the older man glared at him.

Belle withdrew from the hug, still smiling. She nudged Rumple in the arm with her elbow. “Isn’t it wonderful, Rumple?”

“I’m ecstatic.” His hand gripped the picnic basket tightly.

Ruby finally noticed what Rumple was holding. “Are you guys here for a picnic?” she asked, surprised.

“No, we’re here to cut down the Truffula Trees,” Rumple replied snidely. “Of course, we’re here for a picnic.”

“You? A picnic?” Victor finally spoke up, his gaze falling on Rumple. “How very out of character for you.”

“Shouldn’t you be in your lab, experimenting on rats or something?” Rumple shot back.

“Alright, that’s enough, Rumple,” Belle interrupted. She gestured back to Ruby and Victor. “It was great to see you guys again. Sorry to interrupt your date. We’ll let you get back to…“ Belle blushed. “We’ll just be going.”

Ruby gave her a wave as Victor and Rumple continued to glare at each other.

“I’ll call you later,” Ruby promised. “Maybe we can get coffee later this week.”

“You better! You have a lot to fill me in on.”

With a final wave goodbye, Belle fell into step behind Rumple. He had a grim look on his face. She looped her arm through his and gave a tug, getting him to look at her.

“We’ll find another spot,” she said gently.

He nodded, but didn’t seem convinced.

Unfortunately, his pessimism was well founded. Their relocated picnic at the park’s gazebo was interrupted halfway through by Archie, who had been out taking Pongo for a walk through the park.

Though his profession relied on his ability to read people, Archie seemed completely oblivious to the fact that his presence was unwelcome as he sat next down next to them. Even Rumple’s less-than-subtle hints didn’t seem to faze the man, who talked up a storm while helping himself to several helpings of their potato salad.

By the time he finally left, the evening was basically over.

Rumple parked in front of the library and walked with Belle to the front door.

“Tonight was an unmitigated disaster,” he said.

Belle smiled up at him, a hit of mischievousness in her eyes. “It doesn’t have to be a complete loss.” Her fingers toyed with the lapel of his suit. “Do you want to come up?”

His expression perked up and his arms closed around her waist. He was fully intending to take her up on her most generous offer when a shout of “Gold” came from across the street, followed by hurried footsteps.

Rumple closed his eyes wearily and let his arms drop to his side. “Not tonight, sweetheart.”

Belle gave him a quick peck on the lips. “Play nice,” she said, before disappearing into the library.

As the town’s heroes gathered around him with what he could only imagine was another demand for his assistance, Rumple vowed that, next date night, he and Belle would find a hideaway where no one could find them.

 

“I don’t think this is a good idea, Belle. It’s too out in the open.”

Belle shook her head. “Nonsense,” she said, practically dragging Rumple down the beach. “It’s not warm enough today for anyone to be out swimming. And this part of the beach is fairly secluded anyway.”

She and Rumple walked around an outcropping of rock that jutted out from the hill, only to find that they were – once again – not alone.

Rumple looked at Belle. “You were saying?”

Ruby and Victor stood up, hastily brushing off sand from their clothes.

“Hi, again,” Ruby said, giving an awkward wave.

Rumple’s face twisted into a snarl. “Is there anywhere in this town that you two haven’t mated?”

“Rumple!” Belle yelled indignantly, as Victor’s eyes flashed angrily. The two men each took a step towards each other, looking about a moment away from bloodshed.

“You apologize to Ruby right now,” Victor demanded.

“Or you’ll do what exactly?” Rumple asked, his tone mocking. “ _Science_ me to death?”

The two women rolled their eyes at the men’s behavior.

“I think that’s our cue to leave,” Belle said.

Ruby nodded sadly. “I guess that’s probably for the best.”

Rumple let Belle drag him away, though he continued glaring at Victor even as they walked away.

“We really need to work on your people skills,” Belle griped, as they continued down the beach.

“I just wanted one date where we could be uninterrupted,” Rumple said. His voice was thick with defeat.

Belle turned back to him, her anger mostly gone. “Maybe next time.”

He nodded glumly. “Perhaps.”

 

Since their previous attempts at finding privacy had backfired, Rumple decided to try another approach – hiding in plain sight.

They had been to Tony’s Italian restaurant before. But this time, Rumple had made sure that the back booth, which featured a privacy curtain, was reserved for them.

Belle looked radiant as ever in the lacy maroon dress she had chosen to wear that evening. He escorted her into Tony’s, feeling rather proud at having such a lovely woman on his arm. He couldn’t wait to finally have some uninterrupted time alone with her, even if the setting was a little more public than he would have preferred.  

However, when he lifted the curtain to their private booth, he found himself unsurprised to find their hideaway already in use. Ruby and Victor were in the middle of an intense kiss, breaking apart only after Rumple cleared his throat.

“I had this table reserved,” he said, his voice taking on a dangerous edge. “What exactly are you doing here?”

Victor put his arm around Ruby. “Storybrooke was a free town last time I looked.” He paused, looking smug for a moment before adding as an afterthought. “At least so far this week, it is.”

Rumple looked ready to argue when Ruby spoke up.

“Look, I think it’s obvious why we’re all here,” Ruby said carefully. “There’s not a lot of… date options around town. Especially for people like us.”

“What are you talking about?” Rumple snapped. “Your grandmother’s diner is Storybrooke’s local watering hole.”

Ruby stiffened. “If you haven’t realized, I don’t really spend a lot of time there anymore.”

Rumple blinked. “Well, neither do I.”

“Great! Look how much we already have in common,” Belle interjected hopefully. “I bet we all have a lot more in common than we think. In fact, why don’t we all sit down and have dinner together?”

Rumple glared at Victor, but he slid into the booth. Belle followed behind him. The curtain fell closed as they all stared at each other in silence.

“You know,” Belle said after an uncomfortable amount of time had lapsed. “I had been wondering why I hadn’t seen either of you around town for a long time.” She gestured between the two of them. “This explains a lot, actually.”

Ruby sighed. “People just aren’t really very understanding.” She played with the straw in her root beer absentmindedly. “Unfortunately, everyone’s still a little concerned about the whole “being a werewolf” thing. On top of that, no one seems to be able to tell the difference between who I _am_ and who I _was_ under the curse.”

“Every time we go out, some idiot she flirted with during the curse tries to cut in and ruins our date,” Victor complained. “It’s gotten to the point where we can’t even go out.”

Ruby yanked a thumb in Victor’s direction. “It doesn’t help that he slept with every single woman in town during the curse. Even some _non_ -single ones.”

“Yes, I had heard something about you going out with Mary Margaret,” Rumple added. He felt Belle kick him under the table.

Victor cleared his throat awkwardly. “How many times do I have to go over this? I was cursed!”

Ruby grimaced. “It’s still weird.”

An amused smile played about Rumplestiltskin’s lips at their exchange, but he managed to regain a straight face by the time Victor turned towards him. “You don’t happen to know of a potion that could give me selective amnesia during those 28 years, do you?”

“If I did, I’d have drunk it all up myself by now,” Rumple answered honestly.

“Yet another thing we all have in common!” Belle said, her voice overly cheery. “We were all miserable under Regina’s curse.” She lifted her glass. “To Regina,” she said mockingly.

Rumple gave her a wry smile and lifted his glass along with the others.

“To the evil queen,” Victor added. “At least she kept it interesting.”

They clinked glasses, laughing.

From there, conversation became easier. Between memories of Regina in the Enchanted Forest and Storybrooke, everyone had a funny recollection to share. Rumple had them in stitches with his tales of the younger Regina.

Even Victor was laughing at Rumple’s stories, occasionally interjecting with some of his own memories of Regina from that time.

The bottle of wine they had ordered, combined with all the storytelling, had everyone feeling much more relaxed as they evening passed. Victor and Ruby snuggled up close to each other while Belle sat next to Rumple, entranced by the stories he weaved.

Even the Dark One was thoroughly enjoying himself, falling easily into the role of performer in front of such a willing crowd.

By the time the second bottle of wine had been finished, he had managed to work his way through the stories of more than a few of Storybrooke’s residents.

Including the real reason Little John had been bestowed with his nickname. 

 “You have to stop,” Victor managed to say through gasps of laugher. “My sides are killing me.”

The two couples ended up being the last people in the restaurant that night. Tony himself had to lift the curtain and tell them that the restaurant was closing.

Slightly tipsy, they stumbled out of the restaurant into the cool Maine night air.

“This was fun,” Belle slurred happily. “We should do it again.”

Ruby nodded enthusiastically before turning to Victor.

“Sure,” he replied without hesitation.

All three looked expectantly at Rumple.

He shrugged. “Why not? I’m sure we’d be bound to run into you two regardless.”

 

Several weeks later found Rumple in the pawn shop, trying to remember where he had put his keys. He remembered that they had been in his hands before Belle walked in the door a few minutes ago. Everything after that was a bit of a blur.

Rumple smiled. It always was with her.

It was date night again, and he was hurriedly trying to close up shop while Belle leaned against the counter, trying to distract him.

“This would go a lot quicker if you would stop bothering me.” He tried to sound stern, but it was a half-hearted effort, at best.

He leaned in to kiss Belle, only to jerk his head back when he heard the bell above the door jangle and footsteps run up behind them.

“The Charmings are looking for you,” Ruby panted, rather out of breath from running. “They stopped by Granny’s asking after you. Victor’s distracting them but they’ll probably come here next.”   
  
Belle shot Ruby a grateful look. “Thanks, Ruby. We appreciate the head’s up.”

“Yeah, well,” Ruby sighed. “I love Snow, but she’s a bit one minded when she gets riled up. Plus, Leroy yelling his head off never helps matters either. “  
  
Rumple gave Ruby a deep nod of approval. “Thank you, Miss Lucas.”

The bell rang again. All three tensed, only to let out a breath of relief when it was only Victor.

He too was breathing heavily, looking like he had been in a hurry himself.

“It didn’t work,” he said, addressing Ruby. “I tried to delay them like you said, but Henry thought he saw Belle come in here on his way to the diner.” Victor jerked a thumb back towards the street. “They’ll be here any second.”

“Is it something serious?” Belle asked worriedly.

“Only if you call Emma and Regina’s usual spats serious,” Victor answered. “You may want to disappear, if you get my meaning.“ He waved his hands around in a fluttery manner, clearly trying to imitate Rumple’s own over-the-top gestures.

Rumple tried not to be offended by such an exaggerated imitation. He turned towards Belle. “Shall we make our escape, sweetheart?”

Belle looped her arm around his. “Yes. Let’s.”

“Might want to leave your cells off,” Ruby added. “Emma isn’t above tracing them when she’s worked up like this.”

“Excellent idea, Miss Lucas,” Rumple agreed. “Please let them know I will stop by the Sheriff’s station on our return. Until then, they’ll have to manage without us.”

With a wave of his hand, a cloud of purple smoke swirled around them. Ruby and Victor were left staring at empty space as the smoke dissipated.

Empty except for a single piece of paper that lay in the spot where Rumple and Belle had been standing. Ruby bent to pick it up.

Scrawled in the spiky writing that she could only guess belonged to the pawnbroker was one sentence.

“If you can keep them away from the cabin for a few hours,” Ruby read out loud, “I would be happy to let you have use of it from time to time.”

“We could go up next weekend,” Victor suggested. “After all, we never got to finish our date the other night.”

Victor and Ruby exchanged grins, even as the bell rang for the third time that afternoon, heralding the arrival of the Charming family. David, Mary Margaret, Emma, and Hook all came scrambling through the door.

The couple exchanged a silent look of understanding. Ruby surreptitiously hid the page of paper behind her back as Emma eyed them suspiciously. “What are you two doing here?” she demanded as her father hovered behind her, glaring daggers at Victor. “I thought you both said Gold wasn’t here.”

“He’s not,” Victor shrugged. “Belle gave Ruby a key for emergencies. We were leaving a note in case they came back here before you found them.”

Emma raised an eyebrow, looking between them as she tried to pinpoint the truth of his statement when Ruby sighed. “Look, we figured if you guys were looking for them, this would be the last place they would be.” She gave them a significant glance. “Meaning it’s the perfect place to get some alone time.”

“Oh,” Mary Margaret said, repeating the word again as Ruby’s meaning sank in. “Oh!”

“Any idea where they went?” David demanded, thawing a bit at this new information. “It’s important that we talk to Gold immediately.”

Victor shrugged. “Your guess is as good as mine.”

“Belle had told me she might go down to the waterside later,” Ruby added innocently, still clutching the note behind her back.

“Which part?” Hook asked annoyed. “The harbor? The beach? It’s a port town, love. They could be anywhere.”

 “I guess you better get looking then,” Victor said. “It’ll be dark soon.”

The others grumbled as they filed out of the shop, discussing how best to split up and search for the escaped pair.

Victor walked over to Ruby, his hand sneaking around her waist and grabbing the note. “Seems like we have weekend plans then.” He gave her a roguish smile as he leaned in, giving her a kiss.

Ruby beamed back at him. “Perhaps Gold isn’t so bad, after all.”

“Perhaps.”

“Maybe we can invite them over to your place for dinner sometime,” Ruby said. She wrapped her hands around his neck, leaning close. “But now that we’re alone…do you think Gold will mind if we use the shop for a bit?”

“Oh, absolutely,” Victor told her, his voice growing husky as Ruby walked towards the front door, locking it with a loud click. “But he’ll get over it.”

Several miles away – oblivious to his shop’s defiling – Rumple was enjoying being slowly undressed by Belle in his newly redone cabin. With hopefully a few uninterrupted hours to themselves, they would be able to take their time for once.

Belle placed a small kiss on the underside of his jaw as her fingers undid another small button on his shirt.

“Perhaps having friends isn’t so bad, after all, huh?”

A rather pleased expression crossed Rumple’s face.

“Perhaps.”

**Author's Note:**

> This was based on the following prompt: "Interacting with Storybrooke folks. Frankenwolf" for Rumbelle Christmas in July on tumblr.
> 
> A million thanks go out to b_does_the_write_thing (theplasticview on tumblr) for being the most kickass beta ever. This story became so much better because of her additions, suggestions, and feedback.


End file.
